Look Again: Male Gaze and Objectification on the IITGN campus

By: Simran T

Email: simrant@iitgn.ac.in

Content Warning: Sexual violence. Misogyny. Body & gender dysphoria in “Queer Experiences”.

This is a work of nonfiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely intentional.

Here's a radical statement for you–Male gaze is a thing that exists. Even if you have never heard of the concept, you have definitely encountered it–whether as victim, observer, and/or perpetrator.

The Oxford Dictionary defines male gaze as “a manner of treating women's bodies as objects to be surveyed, which is associated by feminists with hegemonic masculinity, both in everyday social interaction, and in relation to their representation in visual media.”

Short Introduction to the Theory

The term was coined by an art critic, then popularised by Laura Mulvey, a British film critic. In her work, she described how viewers are encouraged to identify with the male protagonists of the films, while the woman on-screen functions as the object of male desire. She described the "to-be-looked-at-ness" that characterised all the female characters of classical Hollywood cinema. Their human subjectivity is denied, and they are dehumanised and objectified.

How does male gaze function in society? Well, to understand gaze in interpersonal encounters, we have to explore Objectification Theory. Sexual objectification is the experience of being treated like a body valued for its usefulness to others. Sexual objectification has a vast array of effects on those who experience it systematically, from childhood through adulthood, from body image issues and insecurities to feelings of shame, loss of self-esteem, and mental health issues.

This kind of objectification is also internalised. Individuals might change or restrict their behaviour to avoid being the recipient of male gaze or to present themselves as socially desirable (e.g. more feminine) as a strategy to recover lost control. Research has shown that simply anticipating male gaze can lead to greater body shame and social physique anxiety in women.

In my research work in the domain of feminist phenomenology, I study the impact of sexualisation, objectification, and sexual violence on women’s relationships with their bodies. How does it affect female embodiment to be stared at, to be routinely propositioned, or sexualised? I received this interesting feedback recently: “The jargon seems overly complicated, but what you are describing is my own experience, something that should have been obvious but isn’t.”

This is perhaps because male gaze and objectification, in general, is just so prevalent that it has become normalised. As a SA victim, I am often accused of being "too sensitive" to issues of sexual harassment, assault, and rape. I find it absolutely hilarious (and telling) that people consider increased sensitivity to be an insult. I'm proud of myself for surviving with this power. I'm grateful to Awaam for the opportunity (and to Abhinanda for the aggressive encouragement) to weaponise it to analyse the issue of male gaze on the IIT Gandhinagar campus.

Women’s Experiences of Male Gaze

I talked to several people (around thirty) about their individual experiences and opinions. Most of their testimonies are compiled anonymously below, including my own, identified only with age and gender. Let's start with the quintessential element of male gaze—looking.

Quite a few people told me that getting stared at is “frankly normal”. It’s become something that’s to be expected in the kind of society that we are living in. A (21F) says, “Staring is unfortunately normal, but what bothers me is when they do it in groups. Like a bunch of them are looking at you, and they point you out to their friends. And they’re not even subtle about it!”

B (20F) commented, “If it (staring) bothers you, you can't do anything at all. You can't leave your room or live your life, and obviously, we can't do that.” She tries to be mentally prepared for it so that she can take it in her stride.

Others are encountering this kind of blatant and consistent staring for the first time in their lives and are understandably outraged. C (19F) told me that coming from Kerala, she is facing a kind of culture shock in this regard, while multiple people from Delhi told me that the situation is better here in comparison. D (22F) jokingly told me that she feels “at home” here.

E (23F) also told me, “They (the male students) keep watching you, no matter what you wear. Dressing up makes me feel almost guilty. I need an internal pep talk not to let it bother me. Additionally, it's like they don't understand that you're not supposed to stare at someone; it's rude! In other places, if you catch them staring at you, they're ashamed, or they pretend to be, at least. Here, it's like, (they take it as a kind of reinforcement) oh, now we have eye contact, this must be an invitation.”

β (23F) shared, “I've encountered a different kind of gaze or othering in this space. I'm one of the few practising Muslims or hijabis here, and I feel always seen, always visible. Though I've grown accustomed to it, it also makes me think a lot about myself. I do feel uncomfortable in that sense; I doubt that I would carry myself in the same way without the infliction of this kind of gaze.”

The experience of feeling watched, stared at or “seen” seems to be an almost universal experience for women, though the reactions to male gaze and its effect on individuals vary.

The Impact of Male Gaze

F (21F) described an incident where she was filling water from the cooler in the hostel at night in her sleeping clothes. She spotted a couple of guys in a neighbouring hostel ogling her from their balcony. “I could hear them calling other guys to come and look at me.” As a result of male gaze, F noted she has been “very conscious” of what to wear. “When I'm dressing, I find myself thinking about what if my body moves in a way that serves as something to a man?”

G (24F) told me that wearing bright-coloured clothes made her feel more "visible", though she clarified that she did not necessarily think it was a gendered observation.

Her classmate H (23F) told me that she has opted to wear darker clothes in an attempt to blend in. For H, the decision is consciously linked to male gaze, which she noted made her feel “exposed” and uncomfortable. “The minute that you step out of your hostel, you’re exposed. There’s an overwhelming presence of men. I tend to go straight to where I need to be and straight back, if I’m alone.” She noted that when she’s with her friends, she feels “okay”. She went on to describe a “dissonant process” that she had adopted, “to block out everything so that I don’t have to deal with it” and that “it’s easier to purposefully block it”.

H has recently come to campus. She noted that all of this has been happening despite the “protective layers” of winter clothes. She added, “I’m very anxious about wearing summer clothes on this campus.”

D (22F) agrees that “you always feel seen in a very weird way” D adds that she feels conscious about how she looks and what she wears. “It really comes up any time I'm doing any type of physical activity; I feel insanely conscious about how my body looks when I run”.

I (23F) says, “Every time I step out of the hostel, some men or the other will stare at me for a few seconds, and it makes me uncomfortable.” She described the undue attention to her torso. “While speaking to me, some of them look at my chest, which is very very irritating. I always feel that the gaze never goes away.”

Echoing F, D argues,“Because the male gaze is so prevalent here, women also look at themselves and other women in that manner.” B adds, “It may sound radical, but when you really think about it, standing in front of the mirror and unnecessarily criticising your own body is a patriarchal act.”

Feelings of self-consciousness and insecurities, body image issues, self-objectification and body shame, are just some of the effects of constantly being affected by male gaze, whether you experience it personally or in art and advertising.

Queer Experiences

For some trans folk who are AFAB (assigned female at birth), the male gaze acts as not only a catalyst but also a trigger for gender dysphoria.

K (27, agender) said, “Mostly, I wear multiple layers and loose and baggy clothes to help hide my breasts and not feel too big or fat. But here, it doesn't matter what you wear; people will look down at your body with no shame. You can't even see anything! I know because I check a hundred times before I leave my room in the morning. But they'll look anyway, and it's awful, and it's triggering, and I've been struggling a lot with my BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) since I came here, especially after a period of relative peace in the lockdown.”

B (20F) says, “After multiple horrible experiences in school, I spent several years coming to terms with my breasts and acknowledging that I might not have the resources for top surgery for at least another decade. Here I feel like I’m relapsing. I desperately hope I don’t have to resort to binding again.”

J (22F) shared, “Male gaze has worked very differently for me because the context is very heteronormative. It's exhausting. In my childhood, I've felt this objectifying gaze from my guardians or male figures that I looked up to. Even if my upbringing was very woman-centric, I was tagged as fat. My mother was obsessed with my choice of clothes, especially since I was very busty. I think the very people who were telling me to protect myself from male gaze were the perpetrators of male gaze.”

About on-campus experiences, J said, “If you are involved with gender and sexuality, they look at you weirdly. There’s some obsession with HSS students. Also, with my male friends, if I talk about my experiences with my body, about not identifying with the female organs etc., they don't really listen to what I'm saying but rather take it as a wrong signal that I'm interested in them. The world is too heterosexual.”

As someone who's not cisgender, I would add that while being objectified is always discomfiting, in periods of gender fluctuation, it can be viscerally upsetting. An unsolicited comment on female body parts from any stranger, regardless of their gender or intention, can induce physical and mental symptoms of gender dysphoria, including nausea, breathlessness, anxiety, and persisting physical unease.

Men’s Experiences of Gaze

Some men shared their experiences of a more generalised gaze. Here are two testimonies that I had consent to share.

X (21M) told me that he's felt a certain attitude based on his religion. “I don't know how to explain it—it's not discrimination per se, but there's definitely this idea of difference. They haven't really seen Muslims practising. They don't say anything, but in every aspect, you can feel it. Like when they ask me, what do you eat, they make this face and weird expressions. Or regarding other practices, it's like, they're very curious and have a general anxiety–not anxiety, let us say–a general curiosity about the unknown culture.”

Y (25M) said that there is definitely an element of gaze that he feels as a part of a “racial minority”. He says, “They look and stare at you, but mostly they are curious. Some ask dumb questions like arunachal kaha hai." He believes that 99% of the attitude is based on his appearance. "They look at me and immediately make an assumption based on my looks, for example, that I can't speak Hindi. When I was young, it bothered me a lot. It scared me as well. I remember that if I went to a shop to buy something, I would be subject to interrogation. Now it doesn't bother me that much. I try to look on the bright side."

In the other private conversations, there was also an emphasis on the connection between a marginalised identity and objectification. If male gaze is about looking at someone and merely seeing a sexual object, these individuals put forth their experiences of someone looking at them and only (or primarily) seeing a religious, racial, caste and/or sexual identity. This is how gaze functions: imposes something on the individual while discounting their individual humanity.

Perspectives Against Male Gaze: 1. Women’s Experiences

Of course, not everyone agrees with this conceptualisation or experience of male gaze on campus. A few women did tell me that they have not had any “creepy” experiences at all here.

L (23F) says that compared to “outside”, she feels much safer in the campus environment. There is no doubt that the IIT Gandhinagar campus is comparatively more secure, especially when it comes to physical safety. I personally really appreciate being able to safely walk alone at night for the first time in my life.

M (20F) said that she has always considered this environment to be safe as well as healthy. “I haven’t cared enough to look around, but I have not had any problematic interactions. There are some memes and jokes that are there, but I don’t take it seriously.” She’s active in the dance club, and she points out that male gaze is never a consideration while deciding costumes, etc.

Others also mentioned the freedom in terms of wardrobe as a positive, though some mentioned that they wear whatever they want despite the male gaze, and some, as previously discussed, have, in fact, altered their behaviours and clothing to avoid the male gaze. But most of them still agree that it is worse and more dangerous outside.

L admits that our tolerance level is very high, as people go through much worse in India. She says, “Perhaps I am a bit blind or immune to this issue. Being surrounded by safe people makes it seem like nothing that bad could happen. Or thinking it's a safe environment…I have that as a thought process, and it's possible I don't see the harm.”

These experiences are sound and valid, but they also seem to be outliers. Additionally, I would deny that any individual lack of experience of male gaze can be taken as proof that male gaze does not exist at all (as some that I spoke to tried to argue). The phenomenon of male gaze and its effects have been studied in great detail, and there have been several studies on objectification theory. While I am emphasising the experiential aspect in this article, this sociological research presents a more holistic perspective encompassing male gaze in cinema, advertising and other media.

Perspectives Against Male Gaze: 2. Objection to Gendered Analysis

A few people argued that since women also look at men, it does not make sense to make this a gender issue. L says, “When it comes to transparently checking someone out, I can’t consider it harmful. I do the same thing to guys, so I can't be hypocritical. For them, it's normal, and in this environment, it's normal for me. Even though it's objectifying, it goes both ways.”

N (28M) brought up this idea of women having a wider peripheral vision. “I think that results in two things—when we look at women, they notice immediately. And also, when they look at us, it's harder for us to tell.” He also emphasised that there is no bad intention. “I think many of the guys here are very shy to talk to girls, which is why they just look. It's not intended to make the recipient feel bad; it's something that happens in an animalistic way, naturally and innocently, like birdwatching perhaps.”

O (21M) pointed out that we are living in a closed community. “With all of us living together, it happens that sometimes a person tends to look at one particular person only. And it happens many times out of coincidence and not to just gaze at someone. In fact, many times, girls only think that a particular guy is gazing at her and objectifying her just because he is looking in her direction. But that is not the story most of the time. Rather, most of the time, girls are being self-obsessed on that topic.”

P (26M) pointed out that he would not care if a woman looked at him in the same way that he looks at women. “It's just a look, just appreciation. They can take it as a compliment.” When pushed for a response on how he would feel if another man looked at him in the same way, he says that would be different. “If a guy is staring at me, I think there would be something dirty or wrong about it. That's not something that's allowed in Indian culture.” When asked if it would also make him feel unsafe in addition to uncomfortable, he chose not to answer.

G (24F) points out that the aspect of gender cannot be ignored like that. “A man looking at a woman, and a woman looking at a man is qualitatively not the same. You need to look at the systems of oppression and patriarchy already existing; you need to understand the historical baggage that we have experienced. Your experience of gaze is different from our experience of gaze.”

I can put this in a simpler way. If you’re comfortable with someone “checking you out”, regardless of your gender and their gender, that’s great. It doesn’t give you the right to invalidate the experience of those who are uncomfortable.

Perspectives Against Male Gaze: 3. Charge of Misandry

On similar lines, a few people also had an issue with the focus on “women's issues”. O (21M) pointed out that it would be better to focus on “human safety instead of women's safety”. He also considered my point of view regarding this article to be representing only one side of the situation. “For both the genders, the numbers are equal. It's just that maybe you haven't heard about the assaults faced by guys; no one wants to talk about them.”

It is true that cases of sexual assault or harassment against men do not receive enough attention by any stretch of the imagination. There is no denying the fact that male victims/survivors are mocked by the patriarchal society and invisibilised by the police and judicial system. Whether the perpetrator is male or female, there is a marked lack of empathy and support. They also have to overcome a different set of issues because of the ubiquitous toxic masculinity.

The importance of studying male gaze and objectification stands, not only in spite of solidarity with men, but also because of it. Regardless of the gender of the victim, an overwhelming number of perpetrators are male, and they are encouraged and empowered by the patriarchal systems that, in the end, harm each and every individual in different ways. Attempting to address these toxic behaviours is in everyone's best interests.

Is there a Systemic Issue?

Many agreed there is a cultural or attitude problem on campus. To them, it seems like an “open secret” that a percentage of the male students at best indiscreetly and at worst oppressively pursue the female students.

D highlights that it’s not merely looking, but there is a purpose: “It feels like surveillance”. She mentioned the “weird Instagram requests which appear out of nowhere just signify that you're always being watched”. A says, “I think the online requests from strangers that you’ve previously caught ogling also signify that you are being discussed and not just watched.”

E seems to agree with this assessment. “You see a stranger staring at you in the mess, and then you get a friend request. That can be a bit creepy. How do they find out your name?”

H asks, “Why do they feel entitled to our attention?”

E says that the result of this behaviour has made her feel like she has to constantly be on guard. “I know some of the male students are in the process of unlearning, and I’ve spoken to people who genuinely want to understand. But still, I do feel a bit wary or mistrustful.”

Q (27M) is harsh in his analysis: “They are manipulative and aggressively trying to get “placed”, which is what they call getting with female students. They’re too clever to be naive.” The implication seems to be that (at least some of) the perpetrators know what they’re doing and do not care less about the psychological impact on the girls they are pursuing.

R (24F) thinks it's not just objectification, but there is also an attitude of entitlement or possessiveness. “Most of the infrastructure and resources on campus are for the BTechs (predominantly male), and sometimes I think they feel that we are also there for them, for their viewing pleasure or for them to date.”

W (19M) also affirmed this take. “I think some have this notion that IITs are primarily for us, the Btech students. This is, of course, not true for everyone, but I think some level of groupism does exist, which protects some of the female Btech students in our classes. There are some comments that are passed about all girls in general, about their figures, etc., and the language used is a bit crass. But I think that's something that's unfortunately quite ordinary. But still, Masters students are targeted more–for whatever reason, there is less respect for them.”

O (21M), another student from the engineering department, disagreed with this notion completely. He stated that the MA / PhD students are not deliberately targeted more, but it is simply a matter of statistics. “The gender ratio in Bachelors is very poor, except the latest batch that has twice the reservation quota. There is a general opinion that the girls of MA look better. And also, a huge chunk of BTech girls aren't that outgoing and involved in things, so they seldom are the centre of attraction. They generally do not interact much apart from academic reasons.”

However, S (20F), a Btech student, described a case with one of her classmates. “She used to be popular, but one person constantly texted and irritated her, telling her he loves her and mentally harassed her. Some of the guys gaze like lunatics.”

O (21M) also believes the cases of objectification on campus are almost insignificant if at all they exist. “Everyone here has a mother and a sister, and they know how to respect a woman...at least that is the case with my friend circle.”

Of course, gaze is not always a conscious process. Many individuals may simply be looking without any sinister or malevolent intentions. However, they may still be inadvertently participating in a harmful culture of discrimination and gaze, the result of which is objectification and dehumanisation.

Multiple students brought up the different cultural backgrounds that all the students are from, and some argued that concepts of right and wrong can be relative. R thinks that the male students are “not innocent”, at the same time, she also points out that many are socialised in a certain way and are simply reacting according to that.

S (20F) also told me about one of her juniors who found it “unbearable” that girls here wear shorts or small clothes. “He thought that that was not our culture, that women should cover themselves up. So he used to avoid talking with those girls and stare at them so that they would feel uncomfortable and stop dressing in that manner. But honestly, if someone looks at me and if he thinks that will stop me from wearing certain clothes, he’s totally wrong.”

L adds, "I have noticed some small things because of different backgrounds: people assume if you're nice to them, that means that you're interested. Or you talk to them once; for them, it means ki pat gayi hai. But that’s all. There might be a few extreme cases, but I don’t think there’s a cultural issue or anyone is deliberately out to cause harm.” She brings up the Confessions page as an example.

She also mentions the difficult process that BTech students have to go through in order to be admitted to an IIT. “They spend a lot of time just with books in their formative years, and so they have not been in such an environment before. They might not know how to express themselves in a healthy way. Also, it’s not just the BTech students—I feel that is a stereotype.”

People do seem inclined to blame engineering students even when they are not sure of the background of the student. D, who has interacted with both groups at length, says, “The Masters' crowd is not that much better. In fact, in many ways, there is more entitlement and creepiness. They have more resources and confidence. The BTech students are still quite respectful during interactions and, frankly, a bit intimidated. They call you didi etc.”

She also brings up the issue of so-called “woke misogynists”. “Everyone is liberal-presenting nowadays, and some of the Masters' students say all the right things, but when it comes down to it, they are also problematic; it just presents in more insidious ways.”

T (23M) also questioned the more “liberal” men on this campus. He describes a scenario where the man will reveal himself to be a closet misogynist after gaining a woman’s trust or interest, which may result in a more compromising or dangerous situation.

R says the following about older students, “Perhaps not gaze exactly, but still I feel that some of the PhD students consider girls to be mere trophies of the institute. There's an impression that we are not actively contributing to research.”

B comments, “I personally believe that the only difference is that some people (youngsters) have not yet learnt the advantages of slightly masking your misogyny.”

U (22F) described the aftermath of a sexual encounter with a “nice guy”, saying, “We matched on a dating app and agreed to hook up as a one-time thing, but afterwards, this person continued to make repeated overtures on every conceivable platform, refusing to take no for an answer. He flatly confessed to hacking my phone number. Apart from the shameless cyber-stalking, his messages themselves contained emotional manipulation. To top it all off, he frames himself as the victim in this situation, despite the fact that he's literally committed a crime.”

V (27F) says, “As someone who’s sexually active, I find that while the men here clearly want us to “put out”, the same people will also judge, disrespect, and penalise the women who choose to have sex on their own terms. While I have never attempted to hide my sexual activity and preferences, it's not a good feeling to know that you're being gossiped and bragged about, like a conquest or a possession.” She says that men use absolutely horrible language to describe women, and multiple men that I spoke to admitted that the language used changes immediately and drastically for the worse when female students are not around.

Perspectives on a Specific Incident

Several people brought up the team name “Ek MA wali dila do” (and after a point, I was genuinely curious to know people’s opinions, and I’ll admit to bringing it up myself with the last few interviewees.)

O (21M) explained that it was “truly a joke”, picking up on his remarks about the gender ratio: “People say that if you can impress a girl from MA, then you are a stud, as a joke. So MA waali dila do yaar was just a light mischief. However, I would particularly say the words dila do should not have been used cause they seem to objectify.” He emphasised, however, that the intentions of those players were not to disrespect anyone in any way.

But many people did feel disrespected and objectified. J, one of the MA students who took up this issue, explained, “They simply did not realise why it was a problem. They tried to explain their point of view, that they've put in a lot of work, etc., but we were unable to make them understand why we were so bothered by it. The team in question tried to give us the explanation that they wanted an MA girl to play with them on the team…I mean, do they really think that we are so dumb as to accept this explanation?”

A says, “All the team players had to have agreed on the name. Many of their classmates and even other teams and their batchmates must have been aware of it. How many people spoke out against it? I’m sure most of them just laughed. Personally, I don’t find it funny at all. It’s objectification.” G remarks that the words make it sound like the female students are “candy” to be distributed.

E put forth the view that it was not about that single incident, but rather all the pent-up frustrations about multiple instances that had built up in the past. “Physical violation is not the only form of violation. There is no interest in talking about issues from a larger point of view! Some kind of gender sensitisation programme is definitely necessary.”

W (19M) said, “There's this attitude about “dank” memes. In the BTech Whatsapp groups where we share memes, there might be one about, let's say, that the place of women is in the kitchen. Personally, I think that's something that's a bit wrong, but if I say anything about it, I might get the reaction that bachcho jaise kya kar raha hai, majaak hai. But what I think is that jokes have their limits, and I also don't think they have to be offensive.”

N (28M) tried to explain the idea of locker room talk.“Words like kya mast maal hai, kya item hai, etc...I think in private, the idea is that they are just blowing off steam and honestly expressing themselves in front of their close friends. It's just talk, and it doesn't really mean they will act in any certain way. Also, they haven't thought about how it makes the women feel. Perhaps for some of them, I think they can only realise this when they themselves become fathers."

Two people argued that both sides were at fault in this situation. I should note that neither was involved in the incident and only heard the general narrative through the grapevine.

L believes that it was a joke that went wrong. “It’s a normal thing to say ek ladki dila do and even a girl might say, ek ladka dila do. I think they didn’t see the difference in just saying it out loud and keeping it as the team name.”

She also stated that while she respected the MA students’ decision to protest the name, she was also taken aback by their claim of “harassment” by the male students. “If you use a word like harassment lightly, you might not have a receptive audience when you actually have more serious issues.”

When I asked her what harassment meant to her, L specified that it would be something that would be directed in a more individual way as well as something more consistent, for example, repeatedly calling or stalking. “Saying MA wali…it is objectifying and disrespectful definitely, but it is a general statement. People say that for my department, and it doesn't bother me.”

She also reiterated that she understood that the MA students were upset and that it was “not a problem that they raised their voices”, but felt there could be better ways of educating the students without alienating them. “Stopping their game, using this kind of heavy language–this creates a further rift.”

Others believed that this incident had validated the mutual mistrust and suspicion. A few students saw this incident as the overt representation of the veiled misogyny and objectification in the environment. “This normalisation of these smaller issues creates the perfect ambience for serious cases of sexual harassment to flourish,” says V.

I spoke to Z (21M), who tried to put forth the perspective of the Sports Council. He mentioned that they found out about this name at the time of the match. “There were hundreds of registrations, and the matches were allotted randomly. The Council was working day and night, and they could not check each name.”

He emphasised that the name was undoubtedly improper. “If they had seen it, they wouldn't have stood for it. It is natural that the MA people were offended. If another batch name had been there, Btech19, for example, they would have been insulted as well. Their perspective was undoubtedly right. But their methods were slightly aggressive and disruptive. They could have sent the Council an email or informed any authority, and the incident would have been dealt with in accordance with the rules. The team was disqualified and not allowed to play. The other games could have continued. They seized the stones for Seven stones etc., which seemed unnecessary.”

On the Btech perspective on this incident, he said, “It is impossible to generalise. Some are thinking, “Oh, I'll never talk to MA girls again”, there are others who completely understand the MA line of thought. If the girls are here for two years, and certain incidents happen in that time period, obviously they would be upset with it.”

He mentioned that the sports council is now creating a certain structure of rules to make sure that none of the team names can contain anything rude or offensive in the future. But he mentions that it's not enough. “We can use this incident to educate people about these issues, but we also need a more elaborate orientation programme including sessions on politics and ethics when students come to campus. For example, when I came here, there was a gender sensitisation programme, and some clubs like Orenda etc., came and spoke to us. This helps a lot. People's attitudes change exponentially after coming here, for the better. You cannot assume that everyone automatically knows about gender dynamics and how to act.”

Δ (28, M) agrees with this last point. He shared how he himself has evolved with time. “I remember in my Bachelors, a group of us used to go and sit at a certain spot just to watch women pass by. That used to be considered normal at the time. But since coming here, I have seen that things can be different. This is a healthy atmosphere where people can interact freely and with mutual respect, regardless of gender. I realised that this is a better way to live.” He describes the unlearning of toxic behaviours by him and his friends, and he goes on to conclude, “I would definitely say that people are slowly learning.”

Coda

A few words of conclusion: This was my first time writing an article where I actually spoke to human beings as opposed to my usual strategy of reading one million things. It was an interesting experience. I have one last funny/horrible interaction to share: One (21M) who stared blatantly at my torso while equally confidently assuring me that there was no male gaze at all on campus. Fortunately, I'm informed by a reliable source that this is what they call “quality content”.

Apart from this character, if you spoke to me and shared your experiences and opinions for this article, I’m sincerely grateful. Thanks for talking to me. I really appreciate it.

I tried to be as fair as possible in re-producing the diverse range of opinions, but at the end of the day, I did have my own agenda—drawing attention to the problem of male gaze. People’s testimonies are loud and clear, but to reiterate: Being the object of male gaze is a common experience on campus, and it has a considerable impact on its target. Yet, there is a forceful denial of this problem by many and, in a few cases, a complete refusal to engage.

If you're a student who has not experienced male gaze and objectification on this campus, please consider that you might be privileged in this regard, and others have had different experiences here that are as valid as yours. They deserve your understanding and solidarity.

If you’re feeling “triggered” by the perceived misandry in this article, please (read it again and then) consider directing your anger and frustrations at the men who give the “first sex” a bad name in the first place.

If you're someone who recognises the unhealthy behaviours described in the above stories as your own, this is a sincere plea not to immediately get defensive. Please take a moment to reflect, think about your actions and their impact, and consider assuming some accountability.

And lastly, if you think you are one of the “good ones”, you’re probably not. We need to do more. All of us living in a patriarchy have internalised toxic scripts and misogyny. We need to work on it individually and introspect, have more empathy towards others, and call out problematic and discriminatory behaviour. I hope this article can serve as a starting point, a call to action and discussion.